Month: June 2025

Invite vs No Invite

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Recently my cousin graduated with her Doctorate and had a Grad Party, yesterday.

Three of my sisters and my mother were invited.

I never got an invite.

Have you felt offended you were not invited to an event, even though you KNEW you were not going to go even if you were invited?

THIS IS ME! LOL!!!

I haven’t gone hardly ANYWHERE in almost 2yrs. I work and go home. We are VERY limited with our funds due to my husband not working. Sometimes I don’t even want to waste gas to go somewhere. Yes, it’s that serious.

But I guess what hurts is that I feel like no one is thinking about me. Like I am forgotten. Of course, I want to go places, celebrate my family/friends’ achievements, their next Chapter in their lives etc. It’s not like I am a hater and envious. At this time, I just haven’t been feeling it…

So, I am just in my feelings a little. Even though I knew I probably wouldn’t go if she invited me.

Maybe it’s also because these last few years have also been lonely.

When someone gets sick, you really see who your true family/friends are because the calls/text stop when you can’t go out like you used to, when you are working more to pay bills, when you just don’t have any money to go out to dinner. People don’t check up on you anymore. They find other people that can actually hang out with them.

I had a very small friend circle, and I lost all of them around the same time. Two of them literally stopped inviting me places when I told them my husband had MS. I just don’t understand why…this REALLY hit me hard. More than I care to admit. This happened a year ago and I still think about it, and it still hurts. I think mostly because we did not have a falling out, nothing. Just stopped calling, inviting me places and of course they posted it on FB.

The even more crazy part is one of them texted me maybe 5months later asking if everything was okay because she hadn’t heard from me. I told her “Oh I have been working SO MUCH…Just doing a lot of overtime”. She said OKAY and that was it. THAT WAS IT. Didn’t ask about my husband, how I was doing. Nothing. I just expect MORE from people I call friends.

I am learning not to take things personally. There are a lot of reasons why people are not invited places. This cousin and I were not close at all so…maybe she invited relatives she was close to …

This will be the last time I think about it, and I will be moving on…like everything else…

Father’s Day

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As we all know, this past Sunday was Father’s Day.

I do not have children of my own, but my husband has two from a previous marriage: 23yr old young lady and 21yr old young man.

My husband and I live pretty far from his kids…about 45min-1hr. But they live closer to my mother-in-law, so we usually go over her house, so they don’t have to drive far.

Last year, his daughter did not see my husband at all. We later found out she went to Cedar Point instead.

This year, neither of them came by.

His daughter texted him “Happy Father Day” and his son called and had a 5min conversation with him. Said he had a gift; he was at work at that was that.

I honestly felt very bad for my husband. Even 2 days later to make this post.

My hubby didn’t have the best relationship with their mother. They got married very young (early 20’s) and they only lasted 2yrs. It was a lot of hating towards each other, arguing, telling a lot of lies to the kids to the point where they refused to even come to their dad’s and I wedding! And at this point, they were divorced over a decade!

To make things even worse, their mother became ill with Breast Cancer. She did not make this known to the father of her kids but kept it quiet. The kids refused to discuss anything, and we literally did not know until she was on her death bed. We only discovered what was going on due to the mother’s husband putting a Go Fund Me on FB. She passed away 5months after my husband and I got married.

That was almost 7yrs ago (I have been with my husband for a total of 10yrs).

We do know the oldest daughter is in Therapy. We do not know WHY, but she said it is helping.

From the conversations I have had with my husband’s mother and sister, their mother caused a lot of trauma for the kids. Lots of lies and hatred for their dad and it has definitely spilled over to the kids.

BUT, these are no longer kids. They are young adults, living in their own place, working, paying bills etc.

I was never in a 1 parent household, so I don’t know the dynamics and trauma that can come from that. But I would think after having a parent pass away and 1 left, that would bring a stronger bound between the children and the living parent.

They do see their dad but not as much. But, I get it. Everyone has lives and things to do. Especially since they are young, they are both traveling with friends, relationships etc. But I would think due to their dad being diagnosed with MS last year, they would call more, come see him, make sure he’s okay, if WE ARE OKAY and not homeless due to him not working for almost 2 yrs … SOMETHING! And it has been hardly anything.

I am going to take it as kids being kids. When you are young, you are not caring about parents and what’s REALLY important in life. You are not trying to hang with your parents, even for an hour. You rather have fun.

It just makes me sad for my husband.

Next year…we are going to see my dad.

I am not putting off spending time with my father (On Father’s Day) another year to make sure they see their dad (Due to MS, my husband no longer drives), which is what I have done for the last 2 yrs….and they don’t even show up.

I am learning I am expecting way too much from people.

I expect from people what I deliver in myself … and that is compassion and appreciation of others time and effort.

Going forward, I am going to expect the worse so I no longer will feel let down. I should have done this a LONNNNG TIME AGO!

Praise Break !!!

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Just a couple of days ago, I wrote a post about money being tight.

Yesterday, I opened up the mail to find a check a little over $1500!

Will try to make a long story short: About 5yrs ago, my Husband signed a contract with a company to teach him a new skill (IT) and the contract stated once he got a job in this skill, he would have to pay back a certain percentage of his income back to this company (Unfortunately, my husband never spoke to me about this because he knew I would say “THIS DOESNT SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA!!” AND YOU KNOW WHAT?? IT WASN’T!!!). Craziest thing ever right? RIGHT!

Well, my husband signed a contract and QUIT before he even started! SMH. He never reached back out to the company to let them know.

Maybe a year later, the company then TRIED TO SUE US and sent us court documents! That scurred us straight so we got on a payment plan with them and started paying them $350/mnth!

Maybe 6 months into paying them, we got a letter they filed Bankruptcy (GO FIGURE! NOT SURPRISING!!!) and I IMMEDIATELY stopped paying them.

Now, years later, we got a letter in the mail stating this company broke many federal laws! And we got a CHECK!

I was so upset with my husband about signing a contract for something so retarded, but this is marriage! Dealing with bullshit and then having to figure it out! At the time, my husband was working FULL TIME and we were making enough money to pay this bill but it still cut into a lot of things.

I thank The Most High for providing for us this during this whole time of my husband being out of work, due to his MS. From his sister giving us money or his mother giving us a ton of food! He continues to PROVIDE!!!

My faith has gotten so much stronger through this whole transition.

Laugh To Not Cry

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Things have still been tough.

Money is extremely tight right now. Tighter than I want to believe.

Sometimes I buy little things that I was used to buying when my husband was working. Then I realize AFTER, we may not have enough money for food or a bill.

I now have to track EVERYTHING.

Each transaction from my bank account.

I hate it.

I hate not having money to buy things. I haven’t brought a new bra in 2yrs.

I try to work at least 10hrs of overtime. I realized when I do, I don’t have to worry too much and even have some money to save. I literally had to cut everything: Cancelled gym membership, cancelled subscriptions, stopped going out to eat, grocery shop every 3 days to make sure I only get food we are going to eat, stopped buying clothes, stopped traveling and we really don’t go to any events, so I won’t burn my gas.

We literally only have money for food and bills.

Still waiting on approval for his Social Security. Praying every day, he gets it. Oh that back pay we will get!!!

I have caught myself feeling like I can’t do this, I am tired of working so much and I want be able to do things and enjoy life.

I have to keep reminding myself this is too shall pass. We are in the trenches right now, but our Faith is BIGGER than our FEAR.

I have to keep reminding myself that my husband is the one with MS. How does HE feel? He is the one having trouble walking, sitting at home all day, every day, no one is calling him at all (Not even his kids or friends. My dad and his mother are thee only people that have called) His 2 kids have not come over once to see him and called a couple of times in the almost 2yrs he has been out of work. But he is still happy, not depressed and smiles. He didn’t ask God to give him MS so he can sit at home and not do anything to help his family.

It can be a lot worse, but we are making it. We can’t do a lot of things we used to do but it wont be like this for forever,

I have thought about seeing a therapist because I have so many feelings and literally don’t have anyone to talk to..hence why I came back to blogging. My family never ask how we are doing. I understand everyone has their own lives and dealing with things.

It is tough but we will get through this ❤