Author: KB

I'm KB! Reactivating this blog to be my Safe Place, my journal, a place for my piece of mind for my emotions and whats happening in my life!

Cheers to 40!

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Today I am 40!

I still can’t believe this!

Wow! 40!

10yrs closer to 50! LOL!

Anyhoo. Haven’t posted in a while. Been going through A LOT these last 6mnths.

I believe I wrote in a previous Blog my husband showed symptoms of MS. We finally got a diagnosis. He has been receiving Ocrevus infusions as treatment and going to Physical Therapy.

It has defiantly been hard. My life has turned upset down. Everything has been on ME these past 6mmnths!

Working, doing overtime when I can, shopping, cooking, cleaning, getting him to his MANY Dr appointments, and now Physical Therapy appointments and going through the whole process of being approved for Social Security Disability.

Last year, I was planning a Girls Trip, to do something amazing for all of us turning 40 and now, today … a coworker took me out to Brunch. I actually wasn’t even going to go. I have been trying hard to not be depressed. But, I am scared. I feel like I have been in survival mode just to make sure I can afford everything on my income alone.

I literally stopped doing everything just to be able to afford paying for rent and food. We don’t go out, no going out to eat, I cook EVERYTHING, I canceled EVERYTHING we don’t need, stopped shopping and found old clothes to wear. I am even looking for a Part Time job.

I am trying so hard not to lose it.

Because my husband didn’t ask for this.

I am trying to give him all the support I can give while I am praying for my own sanity.

Life Update

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I have been so bad with this Blog, but have so much to talk about…

The biggest update…my husband started to have numbness in hands, legs and feet, tingling, back pain then started having trouble walking.

In December of last year, he started falling…a lot.

He works as a Maintenance Technician and due to his job being so demanding, he stopped working until we found out what was going on.

4 months later, 4 Specialists, 5 MRI’s and after a ton of blood work, we are finally getting to a diagnosis…which is unfortunately, Mutiple Sclerosis. He hasn’t been OFICIALLY diagnosed, but the MS Specialist gave us pamphlets to look over for treatment. She ordered another set of bloodwork to rule out anything other diseases.

Unfortunately, my husband did not add Short Term Disability on his insurance when he was hired so he has had ZERO income, and everything is now on me. We did not know he was going to be out of work for this amount of time, so we just applied for Social Security/Disability which could take a year to even approve!

I have just been so sad. I am sad for my husband to see him so sick and I am scared that eventually out bills are going to catch up to us.

My so-called friends haven’t reached out to see how he is doing and that really makes me annoyed and angry!

We have been married for 5yrs and I just didn’t expect to go through this “sickness” this early on in our marriage, but just goes to show us how quickly LIFE can turn around on you. He is only 47 and, on a walker, right now.

We go back to the Dr. next week and I am praying we get the diagnosis, discuss treatment and schedule when he can start so he can start feeling better.

A 47yr old man does not deserve to live his life on a walker.

The good thing about MS is that it’s not a death sentence and treatment has come a long way. People can still live a good life and I am determined to have that for my husband. 🙂

My Co-Workers Are Insane

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Why can’t I have coworkers that turn into family like most people?

Mine are so annoying!

I am 39 and have worked since I was 16yrs old. ALWAYS kept a job!

In over 20yrs of working, I have had 8 jobs (5 “grown-up jobs”). Currently I have been working at a Credit Union for almost 5yrs. The older I get the more I am learning, the longer you are at a job, you find out the real craziness in folks.

  • There will always be that one person who has been there almost 20yrs and literally gets away with things they are not supposed to do.
  • The one that has been at the company for 10+ yrs and still dont know what the hell they are doing!
  • The one that can’t handle professional criticism and always defensive.
  • Let’s not forget the one that literally comes in, doesn’t speak (When you ask her questions, she has an attitude) does her work and just leave.

I also have a coworker that HUMS LOUDLY while she has her ear plugs in and burps!

BUT, even after all this, I love what I do, and I do my job very well! Income is good, benefits are great and 15min from my home.

I’m blessed to have a job .. still annoyed though.

No Friends

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I am back!

I keep telling myself I need to come back to blogging…here I am!

So much has been going on! I don’t even know where to start!

Let’s start here…I feel like I have no friends…

I have never had a huge friend circle. Never been that “popular” girl or that girl everyone wanted to be friends with…BUT, I wasn’t that “loser” girl either LOL

Always had a small circle.

The problem with a small circle of friends is sooner or later, you’re the last one in the circle, if you know what I mean.

I feel like the BIGGEST reason is I am outgrowing my friendships. I have 3 friends; they all have kids (I am the only without) and 2 of us are married. I will be 40yrs old in May, I love doing more things with my husband now, especially traveling. The ONE trip I did go on with one of my friends was a complete disaster and I absolutely hated it! That made me never want to go on another trip with any of my friends lol

Recently, my husband has been having back pain, trouble walking, numbness .. where he had to go off work while he undergoes tests to see what is going on.

You think any of my “friends” have been checking on me?

I texted one of my friends a few weeks ago and checked up on her because she was studying to be an Insurance Agent and you know what she said back? She DIDNT answer my question but questioned WHY I didn’t wish her son who just turned ONE a Happy Birthday … this is her THIRD SON. TURNED O N E. Well, excuse the fuck out of me for forgetting!? WTF! Have you checked on me and my sanity to make sure I am good while I am thee only one working and taking care of absolutely everything!

I just feel so alone. And this is why I have come back to Blogging. I need this outlet.

Marriage is H A R D

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Here I am you guys!

I still was trying to determine if I was going to come back to this Blog but I feel like I need it! I need this Safe Space…I have SO MUCH to say…so here goes…

I will be married for 5yrs this September…together in total for over 8yrs.

We haven’t had any big problems that you may see in a lot of relationships…until recently.

Both my husband and I are extremely easy going. We don’t let anything get to us. I may let some folks push my buttons, but nothing insane. We have not had ANY CRAZY BLOW OUT fights. He is truly such a nice guy. He is so sweet, patient, hardworking and he has never once even yelled at me in the 8yrs we have been together. Not ONCE. Have I yelled at him? Yes. Because he DOES do stupid things and has made some stupid decisions recently that has truly made me go OFF THE HINGES!

One of these situations was that about 3-4yrs ago. My husband decided he wanted to change careers and wanted to find something in IT (Information Technology). He found a company that would teach him everything about IT. After he was finished taking their classes, they will find them a job in the field. BUT, the gag is … once they get a job, they have to give the company back 30% of their pay for a certain time period. If not, $30k has to be paid back to the company for all the resources they used to teach that individual that signed up. Isn’t that insane?

They make you sign a contract, which my husband did. Unfortunately, after the FIRST DAY, my husband realized it wasn’t for him and just stopped taking the classes. Didn’t even say anything to the company. Just stopped.

To make a long story short, they tried to sue him since he failed to adhere to the contract he signed!

Of course I asked my husband about this once we got COURT DOCUMENTS in the mail and he had the most blank face! I sprung into action and got on the phone with the CEO and asked what we can do. He gave us an option (Judgement) to pay $350/mth and lowered the balance $5000 to pay back $25K in full.

Last year, we got an email and letters in the mail that the company is going through Bankruptcy, THANK GOD! We paid for almost a year though! I had to sit my husband down and talk to him like he was my damn son that what he does can damage not only him but ME and our FINANCES!! He never once told me about this company, signing a contract or anything. Probably because he know I would have said it was a horrible idea! WHICH IT WAS!!!

When I met my husband, he was a bubble of sunshine, he joked and talked nonstop. A year after we got married it all stopped. I noticed, his and my family noticed. I seriously was thinking he was going through a depression. I constantly asked him what was wrong and he said nothing…he literally says he doesn’t have anything say… which I don’t understand!

This was 4yrs ago. He has gotten a little better but now I have just gotten used to the “new” him.

Now, as of YESTERDAY, he had a Summer BBQ at his job. I made a Cheesy Potato Casserole and was SO EXCITED to see how his coworkers liked it because I don’t cook for other people…

This man came home fucking drunk out of his mind. Not only THAT, but he DROVE HOME DRUNK!!!

I WAS FUCKIN LIVID!!

Once he got out his car, he could barely WALK! He also kept falling asleep before he got out the car! I don’t even know how he got home!

I was not even mad he was drunk. I was made he DROVE HOME DRUNK!

There are TOO MANY WAYS TO GET HOME SAFE than to drive yourself home and risking the lives of himself or other people!!!

I have a cousin that lost her 12yr old daughter 7yrs ago to a drunk driver and my husband knows this. HE WENT TO THE FUNERAL!

I yelled, and cried at him for over an hour. I was and still am so disgusted that I am married to someone that will make such a senseless decision as drunk driving. I am still sick to my stomach and hardly have spoken to him even today,

I thank The Most High, he got home safe, no one was injured and he didn’t get pulled over as he is a BLACK MAN that works in a predominately WHITE city.

I am going to be seeking the services of a Marriage Therapist next week. Marriage is hard. This is not what I thought it would be but I love my husband enough to get counseling before anything worse happens. I am praying she can get something out of him that I can’t.

Back to Blogging

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Hello!

Been going back and forth in regard to if I want to come back to Blogging.

But I feel like I need it.

I am almost 40 (Next year), married almost 5yrs, smaller friend circle now. Getting along better with my family (If you read my posts from years ago you know what I am saying lol) but I feel like I need an outlet. I feel like I can’t talk to my family, don’t want to tell my friends so why not tell complete strangers on the internet LOL Its 2023, why not? Right??

FIRST AND FOREMOST, Let’s give you guys an update…

Me and that LOSER from Chicago … finally got rid of him after 5yrs…

Sometimes I think back to how I truly wasted so many years and my time with him … almost all of my 20’s.

I was so young, vulnerable, and wanted love so bad. I painted a pretty picture that he was such and good guy, but he was actually horrible to me. Never physical but he was verbal abusive…all the time. It was as if he did not know how to be nice. I soon realized this is not the relationship or life I want. Now that I am older, I realize he was a true narcissist. Living in different states helped and I finally let him go.

Unfortunately, being in a horrible relationship as that for so long didn’t help for the following relationships after.

Took a long time to recover from that and learn how true love is supposed to feel and how couples are supposed to treat each other.

Did not find that true love until 30 years of age.

Been married for almost 5yrs, no kids yet but he is definitely God sent. He is the nicest person ever. Never have raised his voice to me.

Our marriage is not perfect, but it is definitely not like the movies! LOL

Marriage is HARD. We have been together for almost 8yrs in total and I feel like I am still getting to know him and learning things. Its not hugs and kisses every day. Some days I don’t want to chat a lot and other days I am Chatty Kathy lol

He irritates me a lot also. I don’t know why but I don’t like to talk about too much personal things with my family/friends. I feel like when you invite others in your relationships, it doesn’t always end well. Even the smallest thing you can say, can be brought back up later.

A perfect example of this is I told one of my sisters that my husband was lazy years ago. I wasn’t made about it, just mentioned he was a little lazy…this was years ago. She still brings this up for no reason. lol

So here I am, getting back to blogging because I just really need to vent stuff out. Marriage, coworkers, family …

Sit back and enjoy!

13yrs Later … WOW!

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Well … H E L L O!

Found this old blog of mine from over TEN YEARS ago! Went through many of my posts and I just couldn’t believe what I was reading! It literally made me laugh re-living all the situations I went through and even my mindset back then.

My friends, family and co-workers that got on my nerves so much! My INSANE, long distance, relationship with my so-called boyfriend and how I really thought he was the one but in reality, he was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I learned SO MUCH from that relationship and wished I would have done a lot of things differently.

One big thing is TELLING SOMEONE about how he treated me. Confiding in someone… anyone that would have told me that relationship wasn’t right, that is not how men treat their women, that he has characteristics of being a narcissist!

I spent SOOOOO much money and time on this man, going back and forth from Michigan to Chicago and he NEVER EVER EVER stepped one foot in my state to visit me! Not one time in 5yrs.

I finally had enough. I started looking through his phone, looking through his mail (when I visited) to find anything and everything to break up with him. I tried many times before and he would break down and SOB! One time he even threatened to off himself. At this point, I didn’t care. I NEEDED to get out of that relationship. After snooping, I learned so much! He was a bum! Living with his mother (Even though he claimed she gave him the house, but was always there smh), for YEARS never worked! He literally lied about his whole life. From his first name to his age, to even lying about the mother of his child’s age (I found his son’s birth certificate that had the ages of both parents. He basically knocked up a 17yr old when he was in his early 20’s smh. He claimed they were both the same age smh). And to top it off he was MEAN! VERY MEAN! He always made me cry. He knew I was thee most kindest person ever so he definitely took advantage of my kindness and how young I was.

He took my 20’s.

I really wish I could get that time back.

I wish I could go back and save more money, spend more time with my friends and TRAVEL! I hate him for that.

But anyways, I literally wrote about my whole life on this blog…but I will say, I didn’t know this then …but it was SO therapeutic. And I didn’t know this back then how much BLOGGING was really helping me. I was 26, graduated from college, living with my whole family in a small house and was just trying to find out who I was.

I was growing up and letting it all out ONLINE!

I thought I would come back to the Blogging World because of the outlet it gave me.

My Blog is my Therapist, as I lay on the couch and pour out what’s been going on in my life. This Blog is a piece of me .. my inner self. And it gives me peace letting it all out!

I don’t care who reads it, but please come with compassion, positivity and be ready to laugh!

I WILL NOT PUT UP ANY PICS OF MYSELF. This is literally for me to just let it out.

Cheers to the New Chapter in my life (will explain in the next post) and to raising my Blog from the dead!

Big Update

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So haven’t blogged in a while. Hope everyone is doing well. Had a great Birthday. Unfortunately, my boyfriend couldn’t make it. Couldn’t find a babysitter. I was pretty angry with him about this. I reminded him a month before and kept reminding him until he got tired of me to start asking people to babysit.
But, of course, he still waited until the LAST min to ask anyone, and his sister couldn’t do it.
I still had a great time. I went to a jazz lounge, to a lame club then off to place where people go after the club’s end…it was a reggae place where people “smoked” and danced. I don’t “smoke” but it was different and fun….Saving up to move is becoming very difficult. Unfortunately, another car out the question. So I will have take my same old ass car with me. Im going to rent an U-Haul and put the car on the back of it because I don’t think it will get there alone…

Now I am more focused on saving money and preparing myself to move!

The Cat Is Out The Bag

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So my sister put it upon herself to be the spokeswoman of Kristen. She went right out and told my mom that I’m moving to Chicago.
I haven’t told my parents this because I was goin to sit both my parents down and tell them myself!
After she told her, my mom rushed in my room and yelled if I’m moving. I said yes and she said that I’m making a dumb choice but I’m grown!
I really don’t see what the big deal is. I’m moving to be closer to the man I love, goin to school and working! What’s wrong wit that!
I know none of the kids has ever moved away, but this is something she will need to deal with.

Stratch That Last One

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So I thought about it. Having the B-Day party on the boat is getting expensive. I want a $100 – $150 dress, hair, nails, make-up, and feet done, new shoes and accessories, birthday cake, and not even taking about the boat ticket and drinks that night….the $$$ is getting pretty high.
I also just decided I am moving to Chicago Aug 21st….and I need to sell my car before. It really needs struts which is $650 and I really can’t afford that. And I don’t want to go on a 5hr car ride with the car jumping up and down like crazy. So I am going to try to sell my car for AT LEAST $1000 (It’s a Burgundy 1990 Buick Lasabre…put at least $2000 into it already. Only thing it needs is studs. Just got a tune-up and oil change this past weekend so if you in the Detroit area or know someone who needs a car let me know. Or if you want to drive to come and see it let me know. Her name is Beatrice!) and use that to get another car…which I have to save for. I will try to get something that’s at least a 2000 and pay between $2500 – $3000.
So Big Boat Birthday Bash “Bye Bye”. Maybe another yr because I got to get more important stuff together.
I still believe I’m going to have a great birthday. My boyfriend is still going to come down. I REALLY think it’s just going to be me and him. I want to take him to this nice Jazz Club I love. It also has some great food and great drinks and we can go back to the room and have some great you-know-what! Hahahaha
Its so funny how I went from a big birthday party to just a nice dinner for 2. I’m still excited. And blessed to see another yr!