Just Can't Win

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So this week has NOT been my week.

I have a very small room. My bed basically takes up the whole room. My closet is small as hell and all my clothes can’t fit so I have to put the rest in the big bags. Yeah, sometimes my room is a mess because of this and because I work so much I dont have time to pick up every damn day.

My sister came into my room a couple times and plugged up her stupid games to my TV to play…I didnt say anything about it hoping she wasnt going to come back. I came back from work Friday evening and found my room more destroyed than ever! My big blankets where on top of my make-up table and my clothes where everywhere on my bed…and her stupid games were still plugged to my damn TV. I asked my mother what happened and she said “Oh, Leah was just looking for her glasses.” I asked her did she see what she did did to my room. I told her how that blanket could have spilled over all my very expensive make-up products (I love mineral make-up and use Bare Escentuals…which is NOT cheap) and thank God that didnt happen.

So while I was venting out all my frustration my mother decided to BLAME ME! She went on to say how my room was already messy and if it was clean it wouldnt have happened. I dont care if a tornado went through my room, NO ONE should be in here and if she was playing her childish racing games on my damn TV in the first place she wouldnt have “lost her glasses” in the first place!

She went on about how I need to get out her house and get my own place (This is her usual rant she goes on EVERY time she gets mad at me).

Side Note: I do want to put in here how I DO pay rent. I am not “freeloading” and pay my parents $300/mth! You should ask how much my sisters pay! Cause I know some are not even giving them any money!

I was just pissed I couldnt believe it…but then again I can. Her and my mother are tight as hell. She tells my mother everything. That’s 1 reason why I dont tell her anything…the other is she also tells everyone else my business as well!

Today, I woke up and was a little bit hungry. I went into the kitchen and noticed chips and dip so I had a couple. My other sister came in and told me that wasnt mine and asked why am I eating it (She did the same thing the day before). I usually dont eat other people food. Usually people in the house, as well as myself, put their own food in pastic bags to let everyone know you should eat it. The dips didnt have that so I thought my mother bought it, which means anyone can eat it. As I put the dip back in the fridge in a huff and was about to leave the kitchen she then yelled, “And you need to stop calling Chris because he doesnt want you!” I asked “Who was Chris?” She said Chris the mechanic. (I switched mechanics because the previous man I was going to was getting really mean with me and was calling me stupid so I decided to go to someone else. My sister told me about “Chris” and he fixed my car back in July) I then asked her if she was serious. She said “Yeah, he told his baby momma (Whom she is friends with) and she told me you have been trying to get with him.” I couldnt do anything bu laugh! I said I havent talked to him since he fixed my car. Then she said she she knew I would lie!

I cant stand people that lie. Even more so about me! So I then went straight to…what…my PHONE RECORDS! I got every single copy of my phone bill all the way back from April. I dont call many people. I have 300min but also MyFaves from T-Mobile so thats where most of my min go to and my mechanic defiantly isn’t on my MyFaves. So as I am looking on my phone records there is NOTHING showing that I have been calling him. The last time was back in July and that was when he fixed my car.

So I went to my sister with the evidence and asked her what did his “baby momma” say? I guess Chris was telling her I called him and tried to get him to go out with my gurls and tried to get with him and he told me no and that he was already in a relationship. My sister didnt even bother to look at my phone bills so that just tells me she knew she was on some bullshit from the get-go. So I decided to call him. I told him what I heard. He claimed he was going to call me back…its bee 3hrs and he still hasn’t.

I am just so freakin SICK AND TIRED and people putting my name in shit. I dont do anything but go to work, church and go see my man. I dont have many girlfriends because of this problem and somehow people still try and fuck me over. I tried to get a new mechanic because my the old man I was seeing was disrespectful and the new younger man claims I want him!

I just cant win.

Can You Please Ask?

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One of my friend’s birthdays is coming up later in the month. She told me about a month ago that she really wanted to do something and would like me to help her find something to do…and to come as well of course.
I said of course I would help out. I really wanted to do something she would like because of her birthday plans did not go so well last year. What happened was she invited 5 or 6 of her friends to go out to a club with her and celebrate…and all of them bailed on her on the day we were supposed to go out…til the very last hour before we were headed out. I was the ONLY one who actually went. I even invited my co-worker to come and called her to confirm hours before we were supposed to go out…I didn’t get nothing but straight to voicemail again and again (I was really pissed at that. And she acted like nothing happened when I saw her again at work…but whatever…that’s bitches for ya). But her and I went to dinner then to a nice neighborhood bar and still had a good time…so that was good.
As many of you should know, Maxwell is on tour and he is actually going to be in my city, Detroit, September 26th. Her birthday is the 29th so of course she wanted to go! Her husband is even buying the tickets for 4 of her girls to go as well! So I thought that was very nice of him.
My friend called me this past weekend to give me more details of her birthday on Sep 26th:
5pm – Red Lobster for dinner
7:30pm – Maxwell Concert
11pm – Hit the club
So I said that’s sounds pretty fun. I asked her everyone that was going and then I asked who was driving. She said one of her friends would be spending the night at her house because she doesn’t want me to have to go all the way on the East Side of Detroit to pick her up. I asked her why cant her friend drive? She said she doesn’t have a license. I then said it doesn’t matter to me if she driving with a license…that’s her problem if she get flicked. My friend then asked, “Oh, you don’t care if she drives your car without a license?” I then asked why she would be driving my car and my friend said because she doesn’t have a license nor a car…. nor does the other girl going and I already knew my friend does have either prior to this as well.
So basically, what she was saying is: I am going to drive us everywhere that night and didn’t even bother to ask me.
Its not because I am just lazy and don’t want to drive but because of the fact that she didn’t ask and just assumed. I was there once too when I didn’t have a car. It took me until last year before I got my license. Yes, I was 24yrs old and just wasn’t ready to drive on my own…I was basically scared of semi’s but knew I had to get over it cause I was TIRED of people taking me everywhere.
My boyfriend told me maybe she thought because her husband is paying for my ticket she just assumed. I guess I can understand that as well…yes, I do appreciate her husband buying my tickets. But lets not forget…he OFFERED and I didn’t ASK. But she still should have asked. I don’t go many places but to work, home and to my other girls place so I don’t get around much (Mainly because I work too much and like to get in sleep on my days off) and defiantly don’t know how to get downtown Detroit (Which is where the concert is being held). But I guess I will Google everything and hope someone in the car know where the hell we are going…
Thoughts about people “assuming” you are going to do something for them?

So Tired…In Need Of A Break…

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Haven’t been posting in a while. I have been working 55hrs a week and have been sooo tired. But I am still here.
It’s funny how my friends are always asking me to go out but I decline because of all the hours I put into work and how I need sleep when I am not working and they get pissed! I just don’t understand that…maybe cause some of unemployed where they can go out every other night and chill. For some reason, it cant get into their heads some people still have jobs and want to keep them. Maybe I need to stop working and get into the fun…hmmm…maybe not…lol
So, in my last Blog I wrote about myself needing a change and was thinking about getting nipple rings. Well, I thought about it and I decided I really want them and will get them! I decided against the tattoo. I have no idea where I want to get it on my body. The only place will be my shoulder. But, then I thought on my wedding day. I would maybe wear a dress that may show some skin and don’t want a tattoo showing in my beautiful pics and don’t want to put make-up over it to mess up my dress (Don’t know why I am thinking so far ahead but thats just how I am) so I may take a rain check on that unless I think of another place where I would really like it.
I am heading to Chicago to see my boyfriend for the long holiday weekend. I am leaving Sep 4th and when I get there I will be getting the rings so he can hold my hand through the pain! lol
But nothing is new with me. Just working and saving my money. Applying to more jobs in Chicago. My heart and my other half is there so that is the place I need to be.
Can’t wait until this next weekend! And I will def let you guys know how it went!

Change Is Good

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I was sitting and watching TV with my girl and all of a sudden, I said that I needed a change. Something different…something crazy…something dramatic.
 I decided I will get a nice sew in (I think all my ladies should know what I am referring to) and a tattoo. I don’t have one so I thought it would be fun. Something nice and cute like a butterfly or a rose.
The other day I was at work I remember a few months ago when my boyfriend asked me to get something, and I didn’t even think to answer because I knew it wasn’t going to happen.
But because I wanted a dramatic change, I said to myself, what the heck…just do it.
So, instead of a sew in…bear with me people…I decided I am going to get my nipples pierced! And no, I am not kidding. I’m sure it will be painful but one of my best friends has it and she said the pain is worth it at the end.
Does anyone out there have it done already? My friend told me she knows someone that got it done and that person told her it hurt so bad she couldn’t get the other one done. Is it that painful? I know pain is different for different people so…maybe it won’t be that bad for me…WE SHALL SEE!

I Am Not Going To Settle

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“I am not going to settle”
So what does this sentence REALLY mean? You not going to settle for someone that is ugly? You are not going to settle for dark skin people…people with big ears or bug eyes.
I think these days people are taking these words a little over their heads…
Today at lunch time a few of my co-workers were having a discussion about how its sad how “young women these days” are in relationships where their boyfriends are degrading them, speak to them and use them any kind of way they want. I don’t know if they were speaking of anyone in particular (Reminds me of that situation where my co-worker sent me that message on the work messenger, mistakenly, saying how my boyfriend is “intimidating” me…but that story is in a previous blog…go check it out. Called “Messenger Scandal”) and I surely didn’t ask. And of course I agreed no one should be in any relationship where there is always negativity flying around.
My co-worker (The one that I seriously think is Bi-Polar) then says how she is not going to settle for any man. And I replied that I wouldn’t settle for someone that disrespects me constantly either. She then said that was not all she is talking about…she was referring to money and allll the glory that comes with it! She said her ex-husband made over $40K and she was used to having that and will not talk to a man with less.
First off, she hasn’t been with her ex-husband in over 5yrs so you think she would have gotten used to that by now.
Second, why is it always about money with people now a day?
And I am not trying to be mean by saying this next thing by any means necessary boys and girls so if you get offended, my bad…but a lot of these people that that I have spoken to that want wealth and gold in their mates…they are not really doing much with their lives thier own damn selves. Yes, they may have a 9 to 5 job, but how much are you making a year, sweetie? Yes, you went to school, but did you graduate? I am not trying to be mean or angry under any circumstances…I know its great to want more for yourself. Always look higher. But why look down on the man next to you when both of you are in the same place financially?
Yes, I know its pretty great. Money can buy you tons of things but what ever happened to just loving someone for who they are?
What if they did make $40,000/yr, but their profession was a cab driver, garbage man, or maintenance worker?
A woman I know told me one time how she was at the gas station and this guy was trying to talk to her. She said he was really cute and defiantly her type. She even gave him her real number. But then as he walked away, he got into a cab and drove away. She then said she wasn’t going to accept any calls from him because of the fact that he was a cab driver. And she knew this was pretty shallow of her but that’s just how she is.
I can understand wanting the best of the best, but just because that man was a cab driver didn’t mean he was going to love her any less? He could have loved her more than she ever knew a man could, but she would never know that because she thought he didn’t make a lot of money…and you never know…he could have been living in a mansion with 6 cars surrounding his house and he was just driving a cab as a hobby! lol
My thing is don’t set so many limitations that will block you from someone that may be meant for you.
That garbage man could give you the best years of your life!

Time To Get Your Priorities Straight…

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We all have been there. Getting drunk every night. Getting all cute and sexy to go out to the clubs. Getting extremely drunk. Making out with guys/girls…your best friends. Puking everywhere. Peeing in bushes. Being loud, rude and obnoxious. Telling everyone you love him or her. Falling down everywhere. Getting kicked out of clubs for drunken fights. Coming back home with someone you don’t know and having wild sex. Having one nights stands. Staying up til 5am. Not remembering what happened the previous night and getting someone to tell you.
I am not afraid to say I have been there. And, no, I am not referring to every single thing I listed…but some. And, yes, it was fun…while it lasted. One day, you have to grow up. You have to get out that drunken rut and actually become an adult and grow up. Now, I know it’s hard, but life is hard too.
I have a friend. We went to college together. We were and still are the best of friends. I have seen her through many boyfriends. Three to be exact. I have also been there through all he cheating…HER cheating on THEM. When we were in college, I didn’t think anything of it because of the fact that we were in college and we were young and she eventually broke it off because she wasn’t ready for commitments. I understood.
She is now in another relationship with a great guy. They have been together for close to 2yrs, maybe a little over.
She has already cheated on him twice.
Most of her infidelities occurred while she was extremely intoxicated. I have never used alcohol as a reason to anything I should not have done. It should never be the reason. The problem she has is that she gets extremely drunk. She is slurring words. She’s flashing people and peeing on the sides of cars (And this was just 2 weeks ago). And the next day she has no clue what happened. To me that is pretty scary. And this has been happening since college. I blacked out 1 time in college and it scared me so bad I never drunk that excessive anymore. I kinda like to know what I am doing when I am out in public.
My theory is: if you know when you drink a lot that you get crazy, horny and don’t know what you are doing. Stop drinking excessively.
We are all getting older. Some people are not really into the club scene anymore (Like myself…yeah I’m the granny that sits home, drinks wine and watches Lifetime and Chick Flicks) and just like to concentrate on work and families they are forming. She is not forming a family anytime so but she works like crazy and in a relationship. Therefore, there is no need to get crazy drunk, have sex with someone and cheat on your boyfriend, not even remember you did it then feel sorry about it. I love you like a sister, but, let’s admit we have a slight problem, fix it and get our priorities straight. You only have one liver, sweetie.

Don't Know What You Got, Until She's Gone…

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She is your typical “girly-girl”. Loves to surround herself with positive people. She grew up in a great family. She is very respectful. She doesn’t like violence. She even hates guns. She always liked guys. Guys liked her. She was never a slut. She has a great sense of humor. She loves to laugh. She loves to have a good time. She wants to find love. She wants a commitment. She wants marriage…but she can’t seem to find a good man.
“She” is my best friend.
It really saddens me how there are so many wonderful, faithful and trustworthy women in the world, but where are the men to stand by them? My best friend and I known each other since freshmen year of high school so, of course, we have seen guy’s come and go. I have had 2 boyfriends since then and she hasn’t had one in a very long time. And I can’t seem to figure out why. Is she a totally different person with guys than she is with me? She wants to find love so bad. And I am not talking about good sex for a couple months…I am talking about real, deep, emotional adult loving.
She has had so much hurt in the past. Men have used her, no respect; she gave her all and got nothing back in return. One year for Valentine’s Day she got a room at a very nice hotel and made up the room very nice and romantic…rose petals and all. She worked very hard. The guy she was seeing came into the room and acted like he didn’t even notice. And to be a bigger asshole, he didn’t even bring a gift for her or acted like he cared! It makes me so mad. She is such a good person. And she deserves better.
I began to think maybe it’s the age. When we were 20 & 21, no one was ready to settle down yet and still in the party scene. Now we are both 25. I went and got someone 10yrs older (Who was ready to settle down 5yrs prior lol) and she is still pealing through the bad batches to get to a good one.
Now, she believes she has a good guy. But, unfortunately, he has a girlfriend of 7yrs (And a child with her), and I don’t think he is leaving her anytime soon. He claims they are not the same as they used to be and don’t even have sex anymore. Both he and my friend have gone on dates and he hasn’t even tried to anything sexual. He even told her he wants to spend his birthday with her. Without the girlfriend hiding in the dark, he’s a great guy. We all actually went to the same high as well…
But could this be just another barrier holding her back from the real true man for her? Only time will tell…
I hope and pray she does meet her true love. I hope she finds the man that knocks her off her feet and loves her like no other. Every woman and man deserves it. Everyone deserves to experience unconditional love at least once in a lifetime.
I hope those guys that thought she was nothing, thought she wasn’t worth it their precious time, thought they could find better, wanted only to make their relationship a sexual thing…I hope you realize you really missed out on a something special. A real gem.
Some men just don’t know what they got until she’s gone…

Little Update…

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Hello Bloggers! I haven’t written a blog in some time. I feel like its been forever…been really busy working and sleeping.
Today is my 2 & half yr Anniversary with my boyfriend. I guess its not really an anniversary…just the half point. I am probably the most romantic person in the world. I love celebrating anything I can. I was actually really excited we have made it this far and of course I wanted my boyfriend to be as well, but to my dismay, he wasn’t at all. He didn’t care…at all. He said that it didn’t really matter to him and what does matter is the actual date we got together as a couple. Which I can understand…but dang…can I at least get that you are happy for us to get to the half point?
My boyfriend has told me since we got together how he doesn’t wear his feelings on his sleeve..which I have still not gotten used to. I still try and talk mushy and want him to say “I love you” everyday but I know its not going to happen and this was another situation we had a little disagreement about but I am not going to get into that. Its kinda weird for me still but that’s the man I fell in love with I guess…
Anyways, I need to get myself back on track when it comes to my dieting. I kinda fell off for a couple weeks. I got my period (I have REALLY REALLY bad cramps on my period and cant really work out. My doc gave my some scripts so hopefully it helps) and then my knee started killing me because of the hard workouts I was doing.
Even though I have been working out for a couple months now, I feel I am still not getting the results I am aiming for. My Doc has been pushing for me to get on Weight Watchers so I am going to finally take her advice and do it. I have done it in the past and it actually helped. My hesitation towards it was primarily because I don’t want to limit myself and not be hungry. But my biggest problem was, I tend to overeat. So I had to nip in the bud and just do it!
So I will let you guys know how it goes…
No other news than that…didn’t have to cuss out any co-workers lately and my Bi-Polar co-worker has been cool too. Lol

Messenger Scandal

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I have been working since I was 16. I have held 6 jobs since then. I have gotten along with all of my co-workers and upper management. Of course, there is going to be gossip here and there. I have done it and I am sure there have been individuals who have gossiped about me.
I have been at my present employer for 2 years in mid-September. I remember on my 1ST DAY of work, while I was being trained my Supervisor had told me to not talk to too many people because there is a lot of gossip that goes around. I nodded my head thinking, “Ok, couldn’t be that bad. There is gossip everywhere.”
That day, I have lunch with another Supervisor and another co-worker. They basically told me the same thing. And then the Supervisor began talking about OTHER management. I was set back at this point. I have never been in a company where on the 1st day of employment I am warned about department gossip then hear management talking bad about other management. Of course, I knew that occurred…maybe back and forth between people that are on the same level, but in front of lower-level employees that you are over? Never.
In the “almost” 2yrs that I have worked here, I have never heard so much gossip IN THE WORKPLACE in my LIFE! And it’s everything you can think of…from people getting fired, to Supervisors having an affair with employees to Supervisors getting demoted. Lol It’s crazy!
Early February, management divided up my department into 2 parts. My part was more of the successful group who has achieved more, and they wanted us to do other projects. It was also smaller…about 13 people compared to the other group, which were about 50. I loved it. Less commotion, less people to see, less drama, less everything!
But then it started again. You see, management gave us the option of downloading Yahoo Messenger. We can just send a message to another co-worker or a Supervisor without having to get up or send an email and having to wait another hour for a response from that. Of course, a lot of us have been using it just to have casual conversations not work related and I know I am guilty of that.
My co-workers know I have a boyfriend. They know he lives in Chicago, and they know I am trying to move there to be closer to him. And that’s all they know. They know nothing about him personally.
Monday and today of this week I haven’t been feeling well. I had a huge headache all yesterday and I started my period today and have terrible cramps because of it (Sorry men out there lol). So, I haven’t been really social to everyone. I been keeping to myself and while everyone was asking me why I was so quiet, I just said nothing and kept working.
This morning I came in to work, turned on my computer and once on, turned on my Yahoo Messenger. I had 3 Offline Messages (For those not familiar with Yahoo Messenger…when you are offline and someone sends you a message you automatically get it once you log back on). The one that stuck out was from my co-worker and this is what it said: “and i know you are right, she has to learn on her own…….but tell me how he can be so intimidating to her all the way from Chicago, how is a dude gonna control you from another state and you say he wont even come here…..please” This message is obviously talking about my boyfriend and I (Whom lives in Chicago) and how, for whatever reason, they think he is controlling me? I don’t care what it means, I don’t care what the person that sent it thinks of my boyfriend, but I do care how my name is once again being thrown in the dirt…and somehow my poor boyfriend is coming along as well (Which really angers me even more because these people DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM…LET ALONE HAVE MET HIM!)
The even more sad part about this is that the person that sent this…she obviously meant to send this to another person. But by her “talking bout me” she made a mistake, picked my name from her Messenger List and sent it to me. This person is someone I have gone to on many occasions to discuss OTHER things I wanted to talk to someone about. I told her about my future wedding plans (Not engaged but ever so often I fantasize about it lol), my wedding scrapbook I am making, problems I have had with other people, the hours we do at work, how I cant wait to move to Chicago but never personal information about my relationship. I told my boyfriend about the situation and he said I should ask her about. Just ask if the message was meant for someone else and see what she says. He even said I should print it out and let her read it herself. I thought this was a great idea and did just that. I didn’t have an attitude when I did this and just smiled and waited for what she was going to say…and guess what it was…”I was actually talking to Pat (Another co-worker) and these first few words are mine but I don’t know where the rest came from” She then began to explain how maybe the IM’s got intertwined like the phone lines…when you can hear other people phone calls…maybe that’s what happened here and this is someone else’s message. Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhattttttttt!!!!!!!!!!! First of all, I know she is new to Yahoo, but that just doesn’t make since at all. Whoever you send the message to…THAT PERSON IS GOING TO GET IT! You fucked up! Yo ass got caught now cough the TRUTH up! I am tripping so hard on her because this is someone I confided in and trusted. And it hurt that she stabbed me in the back…and for some reason, she is not the first…
Another co-worker I was getting close to stood me up a couple times when I invited her to go out. I let that go and we start going to the gym together. Talking everyday on the Instant Messenger. Same co-worker, I told her about my cousin that was PLAYING HER ASS so she wouldn’t look like too big of a dumb ass that she was dating a married man (And I hear she is still talking to his ass…damn bitch, is the dick that good!)! And you know how she thanked me? She stops talking to me…claims I did something to piss her off and when I ask her about it she doesn’t want to tell me why and then continues to not talk to me. Which is fine. One less bitch to deal with.
ANOTHER co-worker of mine is fucking Bi-Polar! One day she is talking my fucking ear off non-stop and the next she has a damn attitude and turns her WHOLE fucking chair around to have her back facing me and doesn’t talk to me for the rest of the day…then the next day she is hyper as hell again! I can’t take this shit! I aint used to meeting people like that!
I am already stressed at work because I am not getting paid enough and I am working 55hrs a week … Why is my life and my relationship so damn interesting to people?!?!
I am here to do 1 job. WORK. I am not here to meet friends. I would have liked to along the way but it looks like that shit is not going to happen. Therefore, leave me alone; leave my business alone and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, KEEP MY NAME AND THOUGHTS OF MY MAN OUT OF YOUR HEAD! I don’t know how else I can make that clear!
P.S. Instant Messengers are a dangerous thing (Especially for me…I don’t know why I keep getting messed up in these Yahoo scandals lol). If you don’t know how to use it, I suggest you don’t!

My Friend "Other Friend's"

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I had a lot of friends in High School. Some of which I talked to when I graduated and only 1 has stuck with me til this day.
I value friendship very deeply. I have always believed I should have trust, honest and loyalty in that person and she should be able to gain that from me.
For about a year now, I have been noticing my friend going out with her “other friends”. It didn’t really seem to bother me until I realized she never invited me to hang out with her “other friends”. When her and I hung out, it was just she and I and we would go to the bar, out to eat or just hang out at her house. No one else. Nothing big. Just her and I. Which I didn’t mind because we always had a great time together. No drama. Just great alcohol and laughter.
There are so many Social Networks out there today and I was just browsing and found her Twitter site (No, I am not one of those internet stalker chicks that reads people I know Blogs and what-have-you lol) and noticed her saying things that she is going out with old friends, going out to eat and how she had fun doing this and that…and I am thinking, “Why wasn’t I invited? I wasn’t doing anything that night!” I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t annoyed but it did make me a little sad. I just didn’t quite understand why she wasn’t inviting me to all these different events she was going to. I can understand if I was busy, but she never even asked! Maybe she thinks I don’t fit with her “other friends” and she is just trying to hide me…I have no clue. I don’t think I will bring this up with her. I think it will just embarrass me, because maybe I am thinking way too much into it. I don’t want to the whiney girl crying because she doesn’t get invited anywhere. It’s not like that at all.
But, I think it will always be in the back of my mind.
Have you guys ever had this situation happen to you? Different friend clicks even though you are pretty good friends with this person that doesn’t invite you anywhere?