Real Talk

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Never thought I would have to do it. But I deleted someone’s comments today on my previous Blog I wrote.

Before I got into the body of the Blog, I wrote a disclaimer: I know this is an extremely touchy subject. I will try to make this blog “nice” as possible but please be aware these are my opinions. I am always honest with myself and always want to be honest with my new friends here on Xanga. I feel here I can write about anything. I don’t know anyone personal so I feel like I can really branch out and tell my feelings…tell what my soul is feeling. And I have been.

I never want to upset anyone, but this is my Blog. I always want others to comment and speak what they feel. Even when it’s the opposite. Because I feel we are all adults…some of us young teenagers but everyone still has an opinion. I don’t feel that I should be yelled at and told my opinion or my ways of living my life, or my beliefs is wrong and nor would I ever say such a thing to someone else. Someone did that. He wrote very hurtful things about my beliefs, and it was uncalled for. I don’t like to debate; I don’t like confrontation and I don’t like to discuss certain things because of the fact that’s some things are not debatable (If that’s a word).

Please continue to post comments to my Blogs but please refrain from saying very cruel, hurtful and childish things here because those comments will be deleted and if you take further action, I will block you. If you wish to not read about my thoughts, my feelings and my life, please delete me from your friends list.

I appreciate all the new friends I have made here and all the wonderful, funny and fantastic comments I do receive on my Blogs and please keep them coming. I love reading all your Blogs as well and I will never comment anything rude to anyone. Those comments will be kept to myself…and I will just tell my friends!

I do want to apologize to everyone (Except this particular person) if I did in fact hurt anyone feelings.

Hope everyone is having a great night!

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Five Years Til 30

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Today is my 25th Birthday. I am very blessed to have made it through another year.
Right now in my life I feel that I have to stay focused on my goals and don’t look back. I am focusing on finding a career I am PASSIONATE about. This job I have now is just that…a job. I can’t progress any further than where I am…and its not something I went to school for. I know there is a high percentage of individuals whom do not use their degrees, but I do. I worked hard for it and I have a crazy loan I have to pay back because of it…therefore I should use it.
I am focusing on moving closer to my boyfriend. its been so hard not seeing him everyday but I can’t wait til we do…CHICAGO HERE I COME!
Another thing I will be focusing more on is my finances. I will be going to see a Financial Advisor soon to discuss my future and how I need and can start saving for that. I really need to stop buying things I want and get more things I need…more soon to come about that.
I still can’t believe I am 25! Five more years and I will be 30!!! Wow does time fly…I still can recall fun times from middle school…so maybe I am not THAT OLD.
I WILL LIKE TO TAKE THE TIME OUT TO THANK GOD FOR MY LIFE, HEALTH AND STRENGH AND THAT I WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE A HEALTHY AND GODLY LIFE!

Love TV…But NOT Him

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Many people that know me will know that I love watching Reality TV…from The Real World…all the way to Bret Michaels; Rock of Love. It is very entertaining, and I love laughing at ignorant people and then having a full-blown discussion about it with my co-workers, friends and family.
I have finally come across a show I can’t stand. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach and just angry…and no I am not talking about New York Goes To Work. I can’t stand to watch Gotti’s Way.
If some of you have never seen the show, its about Irv Gotti as he tried to reclaim his hip-hop throne. He was the head a Murder Inc. Records. But in 2003, he faced indictment for laundering drug money. He now has a new record deal and on the verge of getting back into the music.
But like I was saying, I used to feel sorry for his wife…ex-wife…girlfriend…who ever she is. Now I don’t. This man is a great father…I give him that…but if someone comes to me and tells me he is not going to stop cheating and doesn’t want to be married anymore because of this…now that’s wrong. She needs to leave him. I don’t care IF he is paying the mortgage. How bout you stack some money, take your kids and leave? I know its easier said than done, but she has been dealing with his shit for years and have been separated for 7. When is enough…enough?
I was just talking to a friend of mine and was telling her my grief with the show and she told me, “She does need to leave him but he keeps it real. A lot of men will cheat on you and not say anything. He keep it 100 with her and that’s why I like it”. I was very shocked by her saying that. I won’t and will never accept men using women just because “he lets her know about himself fucking around”. Does that make it right and a cue for her to stay in a loveless relationship? It’s not right. He’s a hoe and a bitch. He isn’t a real man and maybe one day he will come back to reality and realize his wife was the best thing that ever happened to him.
But she is in the wrong too because she is playing mind games with him. Both of them are playing mind games with each other – and need to admit the marriage is over. Irv wants to have his cake and eat it, too. I don’t care how good a father he is- doing their mother dirty is not being a good father to them, even if she rolls over and accepts it. And Deb is cutting off her nose to spite her face. A part of me thinks she stays with him to punish him for the cheating, but she’s hurting herself just as much, if not more. But I think in her warped mind, leaving him is letting him off easy. She wants the distinct pleasure of making him miserable.
The Gotti family’s dysfunctional relationship adds some drama to us TYV viwers, but it isn’t really that fun to watch, especially when Irv and Deb discuss their problems in front of their kids. Gotti’s Way is an obvious attempt to restore Gotti’s professional and personal reputation. It may appeal to hip-hop fans, the mixed messages it sends about family relationships doesn’t make it an overly positive viewing choice.

Back To Reality

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Wow, so I haven’t been on here like I have wanted…mainly because this past week I went ON A CRUISE TO THE BAHAMAS! It was FABULOUS! It was my first time on a cruise and my first time on a PLANE! LOVED THE CRUISE…COULD LIVE WITHOUT ANOTHER PLANE RIDE! It was too much turbulence and just way too much for me to handle.
I went to Freeport and Nassau, Bahamas and it was sooo great! It was just great to be away from MI, away from people you know and just have a week to relax and kick back. I have such great pictures and can’t wait to develop them.
So before I left, I joined Bally’s Total Fitness Gym. I am sure many of you have heard about it or have seen the millions of commercials on TV. So, I joined because I love working out. I want to get fit…lose 50-70 pounds in the process and just get healthy!
I go with my gurl, Tiff, every once in awhile cause she has a membership too. She decided she wanted a trainer…I don’t…but decide to go up to a Team Member with her to get more info.
Long story short…we ended up talking to some guy whom cost a lil over $1200…For 16 sessions…which was twice a week for a hr…I asked him why its so high…he said because he is “that good” (And because he is certified and has years of experience). Which, I am SURE HE IS. And I can completely understand…if I went to school for to be a trainer, I would want to get paid out my ass for my services as well. But, I don’t make that kinda money where I can fork out $1200…plus he wanted $475 right then and there for a down payment! And last time I checked, aren’t we in a recession? Live a little man.
Unfortunately, I gave the man my phone #. He then started texting me EVERY damn day asking me on what I had decided! WOW! Didn’t know trainers were like that.
So I finally decided I wanted only a consultation. I love working out by myself or with a buddy. I really don’t think I need someone breathing down my neck. But I would like a professional to sit down with me, list my goals and tell me how I can achieve those goals by doing what ever exercises for whatever how long. If I don’t see any results from this in a month, I will then seek further professional assistance (ie, get a trainer). I then texted him back so he can let me know if he knows someone that can give me a consultation and you know what happened? He never texted me back!
Just shows how some people could care less about helping people…at the end of the day everyone is in it for them selves!

Working Out, Being Healthy & Feeling Great

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I have been feeling sooo great lately. Even though I have been working at my job for 1yr and I never knew by working there I get a discount at fitness clubs. So, I decided to join Bally’s and its freakin terrifc! Since I work until 9pm everyday (Yeah, it sucks) I go right after work and excerise for 1hr and half. (They close at 11 and I am there until the kick me out!)
I love it. I can’t wait until I start seeing results!
If anyone has any good ideas on what equipment I should use and for how long let me know…or if anyone has any good ideas on just working out…I am basically trying to lose 20lbs so I am concentrating on my cardio. Let me know!!!

My New Hobby

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Little gurls have thought about it.
As a teenager, I have fantasized about it and “played” the part in my head.
Now as a woman, I can’t wait until the Big Day.
Yes, I am talking about my own wedding. It’s a joyous day many people (Not all) can’t wait for. When I was young, I couldn’t wait to fall in love and now that I am in love, I can’t wait for my boyfriend to propose.
The other week I was driving in my car and was listening to Kenny G.’s Greatest Hits (2007) and I came across the song, “Innocence” …and I absolutely fell in love! As I got to work, I told my co-worker about this great song…then it hit me. “I can write all my ideas down so I won’t forget for my own wedding day…IN A SCRARPBOOK! I was soo freakin excited about this I had to tell someone…unfortunately it was a man. After I told him what I have planned to do you know what he told me? He looked straight at me and said, “You should read the Steve Harvey book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment”. Now, since I was not up-to-date with the latest book releases celebrities are having nowadays so I certainly had no clue on what he was talking about. He then continued to say, “You really need to read this book. I have it and I am reading it and I will let you borrow it.” So now I tell him “That has nothing to do with what I just said…what are you talking about?” My co-worker then went on to say that it’s a really good book and will teach me about how men really think.
At this point, I am getting pretty irritated because I know where this conversation is going. So I begin a new conversation with another co-worker and ask her about this book. She then explains about the purpose:
In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve lets women inside the mindset of a man and sheds lights on concepts and questions such as:
—The Ninety Day Rule: Ford requires it of its employees. Should you require it of your man?
—How to spot a mama’s boy and what if anything you can do about it.
—When to introduce the kids. And what to read into the first interaction between your date and your kids.
—The five questions every woman should ask a man to determine how serious he is.
So, basically this book is about how men feel about women and commitments. Therefore, my co-worker was referring to a lot of different things:
1) My man doesn’t really love me
2) He is not committed to me
3) He is not ready for marriage
4) Or he was trying to hoe me in front on my colleagues.
Immediately I was offended. All I told this person was that I wanted to started a Wedding Planning Scrapbook and he basically tells me I really don’t know what my man really feels for me…basically he doesn’t love me and this book will give me the signs and reasons why! Who does this guy think he is? How about is he between 43-50. Not married. Maybe…not in a relationship. DOESN’T EVEN BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE…so, therefore, he probably doesn’t believe he should be committed to anyone. And why is he reading this book? Maybe he needs to find out some shit about his own damn self! But he can CERTAINLY preach to me and anyone else that will listen what THEY should do in their relationships. Which is pretty crazy to me.
Let me clarify this…on the record. This Wedding Planning Scrapbook is for me. It’s for my ideas and my thoughts that I want written down. So, when I do become engaged and when I (Because I will) start planning my wedding, I will have everything I need and everything will be in place…I WILL have my colors, my flowers, my music, my table displays, my bridesmaids…EVERYTHING WILL BE IN THIS BOOK! It has nothing to do with my boyfriend, but everything to do with me. Maybe I won’t marry my boyfriend (I hope to God I do) and if I don’t…my Scrapbook will still be with me because it will be what I WANT IN MY FUCKING WEDDING!
I just hope this clarified for everyone out there. I really don’t care about what people think, but this situation really made me angry.
P.S. When I do get engaged…I will also set up a website and will be making ANOTHER Scrapbook that will display my pics of the wedding in a very beautiful way!

Having My Guard Up…

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I have been talked about…
I have had my business told…
I have had my name put through the dirt…
I guess people would say those things are apart of going through life. But does that make it right?
I have a problem of trusting people…but I really don’t see it as a “problem”. People have FUCKED UP so bad with me in the past where now that’s the only option I give myself. I have 3 best friends who I tell EVERYTHNG under the sun to…my boyfriend, and 2 girl friends. I know when I tell these people my personal things, I know they are not going to tell anyone, I know they are not going to judge me and I know they are going to give me their honest opinions. Therefore, I don’t tell my business. If I do, its small things that don’t mean too much.
The saddest part to me is I have 4 sisters…and I don’t trust ANY of them. I have known families where all the children are girls and I have noticed how all of them are so close. But not mine…maybe my sisters are just not close with me. Yes, I get along with them (on occassion) but the day I tell them a serious secret is the day pigs fly…cause it aint going to happen. They either tell each other, my cousins or my mom! And who wants their parents to hear their secrets? It’s fucked up shit and just gives me another reason to keep my shit to myself!
As I grow older, I also notice more and more how,sadly, women are most people who are really fucking everything up. Not all women…but a lot of women! I had this conversation with my boyfriend one time. He is 34 and never in his “adult” life (I dont think his childhood counts…all those stupid things we did) went to a man to tell him another man’s business. It just doesn’t happen a lot with men. Probably because THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT! Women love gossping, we love the drama and we love arguing!
I am going to be 25 next month and if you guys really want to know one truth about me. I can’t stand people talking about me and putting my business out there…I hate it! And the thing is, I am not like that with my friends. If one of them tells me something in confidence I am going to stand by that and don’t tell anyone. I am a God-fearing woman and I try my best to live my life right and to cherish the “real friends” I do have because I don’t have many because of the fact that I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE. That’s the kind of person I am…
I don’t need the drama in my life. I have cut off sooo many people in my life because of their drama. And you know what? It was the best thing I ever did. I have grown, I have matured and I am a real woman. And I think having my guard up is safe for me. I have my best friends and my faith. Thats all I need. Maybe some people don’t think having their guard up is a good thing…but for me it’s the best.

Less Than A Month…

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I am FINALLY going on a vacation. My first EVER. Away from my family…away from my job…far away from MI! In less than a month, on May 10, me and one of my best friends, Carilyn, is going for 4 days on a cruise to the Bahamas!

I am sooo freakin excited! This is going to be my first time on a plane and a boat! I just hope I don’t have a freakin panic attack!

I hear its hot as hell there so now I am buying all the cutest dresses and bags to match! Can’t wait!!!

Yay!!!

Life is Great…But Could Be Better…

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I will be 25 next month…I have a college degree from a great University (MSU…GO SPARTANS) I have been working Full-Time at Flagstar Bank as a Loan Counselor (Helping people with mortgages stay out of foreclosure…yeah in this ressesion..it’s hard) for the past yr and half…which I am very thankful to have considering what our world is in right now. I have a great boyfriend who I am head over heels in love with!
But I want more…I deserve more. Unfortunately, I am still living with my parents and 4 sisters (Yeah, can you say FULL HOUSE) to save money so I can move to Chicago. Yes, Chicago! That’s actually where my boyfriend lives. Yup, I am in MI and he is in IL and we have been doing the “long distance thing” for a lil over 2 years now…and you know what? Its been great!
I have been searching for a job there for the past 7 months now. I have now saved plenty of money so when I do find something I will have enough to get my own place and be settled nice until I get that first check from my new job…but things haven’t been playing out my way. I have been having some interviews but nothing goes my way after that. Maybe its not my time? Maybe not, but I freakin hope it comes soon because I am sooo ready! I am ready to get out there on my own…I miss having my own place (I had an apartment and roommate when I was in college…miss it too much). I am sick and tired of arguing with my damn parents and sisters about the same damn shit over and over! I am GROWN!
And there’s my boyfriend…the love of my life. He is 34…will be 35 a week after my birthday! (Yup, we are 10 years apart) We are both Gemini’s! He also has 2 sons: Chris is 16 and Xavier is 9 and I love them like crazy! (They are both Gemini’s too (I think when me and my man get married we are going to have babies around the same time as our birthdays so we can have a Gemini Family! lol). I have been keeping a secret about him from my family. It wasn’t supposed to be this way…but I go and see him in Chicago a couple times a month and for some reason my mom gets soo pissed! So she started saying he’s a dog and why can’t I find a man here in MI and this and that..but why can’t people be happy for me. I am grown and its my choice who I want to be with. No one has to be with him or fall in love with him but me so whats the freakin problem.
I actually got a job offer 2 months after I started dating him (I know…pretty damn quick to move near someone) and it was such a good job. But I didn’t get the support I needed from my family. My mother told it if I moved there that would the most dumbest thing I ever did! Are you serious? I got a great job offer…it was a training position…salary and I was moving out of your house (Which is what she ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS screamed to me about) and now you don’t want me to take it? Hmmm. Weird. That is still the thing I really regret…not taking that job.
But some months ago, I start hearing other rumors from my cousins saying they think my bf is MARRIED! Married? WOW! I keep asking myself why is my relationship with my man on everyone’s minds? I dont understand why people can’t be happy for me.
But, I am going to continue being me. I am going to continue being happy and being in love. It will get better for me. One day I will find a job in Chicago and I will take it and move there! I will get married and raise my family there…one day…everything will change…

Stuck In The Middle

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The other day I had to tell a really good friend of mine (Whom is also my co-worker) the guy she was dating at one point was engaged when they were dating and he is now married. I have never been in a situation like that before.

How do you tell someone that person they had been falling in love with pushed them away because their wedding date was nearing?

How can you tell someone their whole relationship with this person was a lie?

It was really sad for me and I felt horrible for her. I was in a tough spot by knowing this information and knowing I needed to tell her. I found out he was engaged at the end of their relationship (He and my friend) together and then he got married right after he told her it was over. I confronted this to him and told him he was a dog. Of course, he said he wasn’t and not to tell her because it would break her heart (Yeah, into a million peices). So, I thought since they weren’t talking anymore and that it was over she wouldn’t have to know and she could go on and meet someone better and forget about him. Then I found out…THEY ARE STILL TALKING! He’s telling her he misses her and he loves her…and then tells her not to tell me anything else because I am nosey!

I’m nosey!?!?

So I went to her and told her the one thing he wanted me to shut up about…his little secret! I told her she shouldn’t talk to him anymore and that he’s a dog and he’s not for her. She wanted to know why…and I told her…

Wanna know the tougest part about this…the guy is my cousin!

It makes me wonder how men can really be (Yeah, I know women can be the same way) He basically cheated on his fiance’ the whole time and then married her! What kind of marriage is that? How can ANYONE love someone where you cheat on that person the whole time and why would you dare marry her?

Someone else told me not to get in the middle of it and that it wasn’t my business. What would you guys have done if it was your friend? Could you honestly sit back and act like nothing is wrong and when she talks about him disregard what your conscience is telling you that this guy is MARRIED!

The funny thing is (Well, not so funny) if me and her didn’t meet and work and I didn’t find out she was dating my cousin, he would have gotten away with this. She would never have known unless something was different in their relationship. Which it wasn’t because they were still talking.

I now have a different view towards my “cousin”. He’s an idiot, a liar and a bitch. He’s not a man and still has a hell of a lot of growing up to do…









Until next time….