Tag: family

Mother-in-Law Visit

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My husband’s family lives almost an hour away.

His mother has mentioned a few times she wanted to come over.

I am, unfortunately, really embarrassed by where I live. I feel like I should have a house by name, beautiful decorations etc. I kept telling her there is nothing to see, and that it’s a very small apartment. I understand a mother wants to know where her child is living BUT this is a 48yr old man! :/

My husband’s uncle randomly bought my hubby a TV and his mother used this to come over to give it to us.

She let us know 2 days prior and y’all I cleaned so much for the next 2 days!

I even went and bought NEW couch pillows, I put up new pictures, candles. Even though I know our little home is not the nicest, I still tried to make a good impression.

I was at work when she came back, with my husband nephew.

My husband said his mother didn’t say ANYTHING about the apartment. No compliments on … nothing.

He said she walked around the kitchen and stared at things.

I wish I was there…

I can’t stand anything more than judgement. And it always comes from the people that are close to you.

I was trying to tell my husband that even though I know our little home is not a lot, we don’t have a lot of nice things. But I feel that if anyone comes into your home, they should say SOMETHING nice about it? “Nice pictures”, “Smells so good in here”, “It’s so clean in here”. Is it just me because my husband didn’t get it at all? Isn’t that just being polite of being in someone else home? IDK.

She came last Wednesday, and this has bothered me EVER. SINCE!

ESPECIALLY because when I got home from work that day, she happened to call and I said, “So you finally saw where we live” and the FIRST THING SHE SAID was “You two can’t even turn around in that place”. WTF! Then said its okay we will find something bigger and nice. Excuse me! This is our home NOOOOWW! Respect that! I know it’s not a lot but damn, can I get a little love on what we made a home for the last 11yrs???

Exactly why I don’t want anyone in my home. I don’t care who they are. I am working so much right now, having to do everything by myself due to my husband illness and judgement is the last thing I need right now. This is another reason why I am looking into Therapy. I thought this Blog would be sufficient, but I really need to talk to someone.

But, she has seen where we live, and I really hope she doesn’t want to come back … mother-in-law or not.

The American Dream

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Sidenote: Funny I am posting about this on the 4th of July!

I moved into my FIRST apartment a little over 11yrs ago.

And guess what?

I AM STILL THERE! LOL!

#1 REASON I have not moved and bought a house: CHEAP RENT!

I moved by myself in a, maybe, 600sq ft, 1 bedroom apartment for $550. And during the first 10 YEARS of living there, the rent up $10! EVEN THROUGH THE PANDEMIC! Isn’t that insane! I was saving so much money!!!

A company bought the building last March and it has gone up $225 since. Which is STILL really good rent.

But now, with my husband and I both living there now (He moved in after 5months of dating hehe) and 11yrs of accumulating clothes and other crap, the walls are starting to close in every day it seems.

There is literally no storage!!! No linen closet, no pantry. Only a very small walk-in closet in the bedroom and coat closet in the front. Perfect for 1 person! lol Absolutely NOTHING has been updated. Carpet hasn’t even been professionally cleaned. We have to do everything ourselves.

My husband and I were actually saving to buy a home before he got sick. We had almost $7k saved and now we are down to less than $3k. Once he gets awarded Social Security, we will save all the back pay and his monthly checks. Especially since we now know we can survive on my income alone.

But I am now ready to move more than ever! I am so tired of the apartment living. We have flies EACH YEAR once it starts to get hot. This past week has been an absolute nightmare that I wanted to bawl my eyes out.

We had gigantic beetle size flies that were in our BEDROOM. No idea where these came from. We may have a fly or two, in our living room, but never in the bedroom and never seen them so big!

Took me 2 days to literally sit there to watch where they were coming from because we could not figure it out. Finally, realized they were coming from the window. But not from outside. Seems like they were coming from downstairs.

Maintenance redid both of the downstairs apartments completely and maybe they opened up something that let flies in. I don’t know. I had to get electric tape and used it all around my windows, blocking any entry. We haven’t had a fly in since. But now we can’t even open our window in the bedroom. I sent a text to management and of course they never responded. They are going to get one HELL OF A REVIEW once I leave this shithole.

I am so over it. But it makes me so nervous to buy a home, ESPECIALLY in the economy and world we are in right now. Everything is so unpredictable, and it gives me so much anxiety.

At this point, we have no choice. God is definitely showing us that our time is up here. So as soon as he gets his money, we are saving. Giving us no more than 2yrs left in apartment living and we are saying PEACE OUT, BITCHES!!!

Invite vs No Invite

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Recently my cousin graduated with her Doctorate and had a Grad Party, yesterday.

Three of my sisters and my mother were invited.

I never got an invite.

Have you felt offended you were not invited to an event, even though you KNEW you were not going to go even if you were invited?

THIS IS ME! LOL!!!

I haven’t gone hardly ANYWHERE in almost 2yrs. I work and go home. We are VERY limited with our funds due to my husband not working. Sometimes I don’t even want to waste gas to go somewhere. Yes, it’s that serious.

But I guess what hurts is that I feel like no one is thinking about me. Like I am forgotten. Of course, I want to go places, celebrate my family/friends’ achievements, their next Chapter in their lives etc. It’s not like I am a hater and envious. At this time, I just haven’t been feeling it…

So, I am just in my feelings a little. Even though I knew I probably wouldn’t go if she invited me.

Maybe it’s also because these last few years have also been lonely.

When someone gets sick, you really see who your true family/friends are because the calls/text stop when you can’t go out like you used to, when you are working more to pay bills, when you just don’t have any money to go out to dinner. People don’t check up on you anymore. They find other people that can actually hang out with them.

I had a very small friend circle, and I lost all of them around the same time. Two of them literally stopped inviting me places when I told them my husband had MS. I just don’t understand why…this REALLY hit me hard. More than I care to admit. This happened a year ago and I still think about it, and it still hurts. I think mostly because we did not have a falling out, nothing. Just stopped calling, inviting me places and of course they posted it on FB.

The even more crazy part is one of them texted me maybe 5months later asking if everything was okay because she hadn’t heard from me. I told her “Oh I have been working SO MUCH…Just doing a lot of overtime”. She said OKAY and that was it. THAT WAS IT. Didn’t ask about my husband, how I was doing. Nothing. I just expect MORE from people I call friends.

I am learning not to take things personally. There are a lot of reasons why people are not invited places. This cousin and I were not close at all so…maybe she invited relatives she was close to …

This will be the last time I think about it, and I will be moving on…like everything else…

Father’s Day

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As we all know, this past Sunday was Father’s Day.

I do not have children of my own, but my husband has two from a previous marriage: 23yr old young lady and 21yr old young man.

My husband and I live pretty far from his kids…about 45min-1hr. But they live closer to my mother-in-law, so we usually go over her house, so they don’t have to drive far.

Last year, his daughter did not see my husband at all. We later found out she went to Cedar Point instead.

This year, neither of them came by.

His daughter texted him “Happy Father Day” and his son called and had a 5min conversation with him. Said he had a gift; he was at work at that was that.

I honestly felt very bad for my husband. Even 2 days later to make this post.

My hubby didn’t have the best relationship with their mother. They got married very young (early 20’s) and they only lasted 2yrs. It was a lot of hating towards each other, arguing, telling a lot of lies to the kids to the point where they refused to even come to their dad’s and I wedding! And at this point, they were divorced over a decade!

To make things even worse, their mother became ill with Breast Cancer. She did not make this known to the father of her kids but kept it quiet. The kids refused to discuss anything, and we literally did not know until she was on her death bed. We only discovered what was going on due to the mother’s husband putting a Go Fund Me on FB. She passed away 5months after my husband and I got married.

That was almost 7yrs ago (I have been with my husband for a total of 10yrs).

We do know the oldest daughter is in Therapy. We do not know WHY, but she said it is helping.

From the conversations I have had with my husband’s mother and sister, their mother caused a lot of trauma for the kids. Lots of lies and hatred for their dad and it has definitely spilled over to the kids.

BUT, these are no longer kids. They are young adults, living in their own place, working, paying bills etc.

I was never in a 1 parent household, so I don’t know the dynamics and trauma that can come from that. But I would think after having a parent pass away and 1 left, that would bring a stronger bound between the children and the living parent.

They do see their dad but not as much. But, I get it. Everyone has lives and things to do. Especially since they are young, they are both traveling with friends, relationships etc. But I would think due to their dad being diagnosed with MS last year, they would call more, come see him, make sure he’s okay, if WE ARE OKAY and not homeless due to him not working for almost 2 yrs … SOMETHING! And it has been hardly anything.

I am going to take it as kids being kids. When you are young, you are not caring about parents and what’s REALLY important in life. You are not trying to hang with your parents, even for an hour. You rather have fun.

It just makes me sad for my husband.

Next year…we are going to see my dad.

I am not putting off spending time with my father (On Father’s Day) another year to make sure they see their dad (Due to MS, my husband no longer drives), which is what I have done for the last 2 yrs….and they don’t even show up.

I am learning I am expecting way too much from people.

I expect from people what I deliver in myself … and that is compassion and appreciation of others time and effort.

Going forward, I am going to expect the worse so I no longer will feel let down. I should have done this a LONNNNG TIME AGO!

Praise Break !!!

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Just a couple of days ago, I wrote a post about money being tight.

Yesterday, I opened up the mail to find a check a little over $1500!

Will try to make a long story short: About 5yrs ago, my Husband signed a contract with a company to teach him a new skill (IT) and the contract stated once he got a job in this skill, he would have to pay back a certain percentage of his income back to this company (Unfortunately, my husband never spoke to me about this because he knew I would say “THIS DOESNT SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA!!” AND YOU KNOW WHAT?? IT WASN’T!!!). Craziest thing ever right? RIGHT!

Well, my husband signed a contract and QUIT before he even started! SMH. He never reached back out to the company to let them know.

Maybe a year later, the company then TRIED TO SUE US and sent us court documents! That scurred us straight so we got on a payment plan with them and started paying them $350/mnth!

Maybe 6 months into paying them, we got a letter they filed Bankruptcy (GO FIGURE! NOT SURPRISING!!!) and I IMMEDIATELY stopped paying them.

Now, years later, we got a letter in the mail stating this company broke many federal laws! And we got a CHECK!

I was so upset with my husband about signing a contract for something so retarded, but this is marriage! Dealing with bullshit and then having to figure it out! At the time, my husband was working FULL TIME and we were making enough money to pay this bill but it still cut into a lot of things.

I thank The Most High for providing for us this during this whole time of my husband being out of work, due to his MS. From his sister giving us money or his mother giving us a ton of food! He continues to PROVIDE!!!

My faith has gotten so much stronger through this whole transition.

Laugh To Not Cry

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Things have still been tough.

Money is extremely tight right now. Tighter than I want to believe.

Sometimes I buy little things that I was used to buying when my husband was working. Then I realize AFTER, we may not have enough money for food or a bill.

I now have to track EVERYTHING.

Each transaction from my bank account.

I hate it.

I hate not having money to buy things. I haven’t brought a new bra in 2yrs.

I try to work at least 10hrs of overtime. I realized when I do, I don’t have to worry too much and even have some money to save. I literally had to cut everything: Cancelled gym membership, cancelled subscriptions, stopped going out to eat, grocery shop every 3 days to make sure I only get food we are going to eat, stopped buying clothes, stopped traveling and we really don’t go to any events, so I won’t burn my gas.

We literally only have money for food and bills.

Still waiting on approval for his Social Security. Praying every day, he gets it. Oh that back pay we will get!!!

I have caught myself feeling like I can’t do this, I am tired of working so much and I want be able to do things and enjoy life.

I have to keep reminding myself this is too shall pass. We are in the trenches right now, but our Faith is BIGGER than our FEAR.

I have to keep reminding myself that my husband is the one with MS. How does HE feel? He is the one having trouble walking, sitting at home all day, every day, no one is calling him at all (Not even his kids or friends. My dad and his mother are thee only people that have called) His 2 kids have not come over once to see him and called a couple of times in the almost 2yrs he has been out of work. But he is still happy, not depressed and smiles. He didn’t ask God to give him MS so he can sit at home and not do anything to help his family.

It can be a lot worse, but we are making it. We can’t do a lot of things we used to do but it wont be like this for forever,

I have thought about seeing a therapist because I have so many feelings and literally don’t have anyone to talk to..hence why I came back to blogging. My family never ask how we are doing. I understand everyone has their own lives and dealing with things.

It is tough but we will get through this ❤

The Cat Is Out The Bag

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So my sister put it upon herself to be the spokeswoman of Kristen. She went right out and told my mom that I’m moving to Chicago.
I haven’t told my parents this because I was goin to sit both my parents down and tell them myself!
After she told her, my mom rushed in my room and yelled if I’m moving. I said yes and she said that I’m making a dumb choice but I’m grown!
I really don’t see what the big deal is. I’m moving to be closer to the man I love, goin to school and working! What’s wrong wit that!
I know none of the kids has ever moved away, but this is something she will need to deal with.

And The Drama Continues …

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So my mother decides she doesn’t want to drop “the boyfriend” issue.
She is still not giving up on try and getting me to stay home for the holiday. A couple days after the first half of the drama, I woke up and started getting myself together for work. She begins talking about how she doesn’t like the fact that I am going to Chicago and I need to stay home with my family for Christmas. I told her I spent the holiday with them last year and I would really like to spend with my boyfriend.
She then went on and told me I need to get some self-respect. I couldn’t believe it. She then went on about how I can be with someone that would treat me this way and that she doesn’t want to bury a daughter. I then got loud and said he doesn’t do anything to mistreat me. We had one small argument she heard and how everyone argues. She then told me not to yell. So I said forget it. I let her say what she had to say, even though none of it was true. I guess it was making her feel better to say it.
Later that night, I went to one of my sisters and told her what she said and that I was very hurt that she told me I needed self-respect (I actually got in my car on the way to work and cried). She then said maybe I should just let them meet him and see how a great guy he is and she wouldn’t think the way she does. I actually was FINALLY going to let everyone meet him sometime soon (Yeah, 3yrs is a long time to go) but got so pissed I just said forget it! But maybe she is right. Maybe I will let them meet him cause one thing that will get me straight fighting is to diss my man!
I will let you guys know how that goes!

Let Me Handle This

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No relationship is perfect. Although we would all love to assume so. All couples get into little arguments every once in awhile. Some arguments are bigger than others.
Since my boyfriend and I do not live in the same state we really don’t have much to fight about since we don’t even see each other every day. The most we really fight about is one of us will get angry the other person didn’t call or one is too tired to stay on the phone and talk. Real stupid stuff. Believe me!
Yesterday was a very lazy and laid-back day for him and me. We haven’t spent lot of our time on the phone during the week because I have been working 65hrs a week and when I come home, I just want to go to sleep. So Sunday, we chatted for most of the afternoon. On the phone I learned that Brittany Murphy died by reading someone’s Twitter. I then began looking on the internet for more answers. I told him about it and he couldn’t remember who she was and I was giving him movies and he still didn’t get it.
He then started asking me all these questions and I tried to answer but he kept interrupting me then we got into a big fight on the fact that I’m tired of him ALWAYS interrupting me when I talk and he claims I interrupt him (He ALWAYS ALWAYS interrupt me … not the other way around). We hung p on each other and everything! Lol See, stupid stuff. Lol P.S. we made up 10min later.
Anyways, I woke up this morning getting myself together for work. I was in the kitchen and my mom came in asking me if I am still going to Chicago for Christmas. I answered back of course I am. She said even after all that fighting? I told her it wasn’t a big deal. We were hardly even fighting. She said oh no it wasn’t blah blah blah. She said well just don’t come home crying to me when you have a black eye. I was like woooooow!
I left to get some things out of my room to leave for work. I went into the kitchen for my lunch, and hoping the conversation was over. She had on the news and said how the woman on the TV is missing and her husband probably did it. I asked how you know I wasn’t yelling at him. How do you know I didn’t start the argument? How do you know if we did get into a fight, I wouldn’t throw the first punch?
She then said if I didn’t have such low self esteem I can find a better man who respects me. Excuse me? I have been with this man for 3yrs in February and it makes me so mad when people make WHO HAVE NEVER EVEN MET HIM makes up this crap that he is such a bad guy! And low self esteem, he has been the ONLY person in this world who has ever truly made me feel beautiful. If I have issues about the way I look it’s because of my sisters and my parents. I was hardly called my freakin name in that house when I was growing up. It was fatty this and fat hog that and now that I am older and I can actually love the skin I’m in and have finally found a man who loves the same…please believe I’m not giving that up. He gives me the utmost respect, never has laid a hand on me and no I am not staying because I believe I can’t find someone else but because of that fact that he does make me happy and yeah…we actually FELL IN LOVE! Someone actually fell in love with fatty! Can u believe it!!!
This is another reason why my family has never met my boyfriend. And if they keep acting like they will never meet him until my engagement party!

Life Gone Too Soon

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Monday morning, November 16th, 2009
My sister sent me a text, “Did you hear the news?”
I then said no.
She texted back, “Rebecca died this morning.”
My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t believe it. Rebecca was my cousin…through marriage…she was my cousin’s wife. She was a great person. Very nice. They had 4 great children.
It was a very sudden death. She was pregnant with twins and suddenly got bronchitis. She was coughing really hard and got a blood clot. She then passed out. Her husband (My cousin) tried to save her but she died in her arms while waiting for the ambulance.
My cousin just spent 2yrs in jail for gun possession and just got out a couple months ago. He was so happy to be back with his family. And now this tragedy. It’s nothing but sadness right now.
Please pray for my family that we get through this.
She was 29yrs old.