I am struggling.
I am not happy.
The crazy part is I actually feel bad for not being happy. Because my life is “not bad”. It could be hell of a lot worse.
I just don’t feel happy.
I work a lot and I feel like I am just working to pay bills at this point.
I am always exhausted.
I am trying SO HARD to lose weight so I can feel sexy and pretty again. ESPECIALLY since my husband doesn’t know how to compliment me (This is actually not his fault. This is my fault for not catching this when we were dating. I was so happy with finding a man that was “nice”, I did not realize that’s all he was…nice. Not romantic AT ALL).
I just don’t know what’s going on but I feel sad a lot. But, I am trying to not complain ALL THE TIME. But figure out HOW TO BE HAPPY.
This year, I have been thinking about giving back, doing volunteer work. After searching for a month, I will be volunteering this Sunday at a homeless shelter serving lunch. I am really excited for this. Just to meet people!
I have been going back to church (It’s a new church that I am really loving), went back to the gym (If only I could stay consistent) and eating better.
I even signed up for a 5k for September.
I am trying to go out more and find “my people”.
I don’t know if y’all remember a blog I posted that I lost 3 close friends a few years ago. We all just grew apart and it was time to let go. But even after almost 3yrs, I still feel like I am feeling the hurt from that.
I miss the girlhood, the girl talks, going out and just having fun.
It’s more of my husband and I now.
I. need. a. break. FROM HIM.
But I also feel bad because it’s not like he can get up and go out by himself. Due to his MS, he relies on me for EVERYTHING now.
It’s very overwhelming. Especially because he is very lazy and doesn’t help with anything, even though he can. But I blame that on his mom and sisters because they did everything for him when he was a child. He had no responsibilities, no chores. Nothing. Now he is grown and his wife has to do everything. I feel like sometimes I am going to lose it. But I am trying…
I am going to try and Blog more, get my frustration out and dive deeper into my Faith, pray more and PRAY MORE! God has gotten us this far…
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