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Praise Break !!!
Just a couple of days ago, I wrote a post about money being tight.
Yesterday, I opened up the mail to find a check a little over $1500!
Will try to make a long story short: About 5yrs ago, my Husband signed a contract with a company to teach him a new skill (IT) and the contract stated once he got a job in this skill, he would have to pay back a certain percentage of his income back to this company (Unfortunately, my husband never spoke to me about this because he knew I would say “THIS DOESNT SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA!!” AND YOU KNOW WHAT?? IT WASN’T!!!). Craziest thing ever right? RIGHT!
Well, my husband signed a contract and QUIT before he even started! SMH. He never reached back out to the company to let them know.
Maybe a year later, the company then TRIED TO SUE US and sent us court documents! That scurred us straight so we got on a payment plan with them and started paying them $350/mnth!
Maybe 6 months into paying them, we got a letter they filed Bankruptcy (GO FIGURE! NOT SURPRISING!!!) and I IMMEDIATELY stopped paying them.
Now, years later, we got a letter in the mail stating this company broke many federal laws! And we got a CHECK!
I was so upset with my husband about signing a contract for something so retarded, but this is marriage! Dealing with bullshit and then having to figure it out! At the time, my husband was working FULL TIME and we were making enough money to pay this bill but it still cut into a lot of things.
I thank The Most High for providing for us this during this whole time of my husband being out of work, due to his MS. From his sister giving us money or his mother giving us a ton of food! He continues to PROVIDE!!!
My faith has gotten so much stronger through this whole transition.
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Laugh To Not Cry
Things have still been tough.
Money is extremely tight right now. Tighter than I want to believe.
Sometimes I buy little things that I was used to buying when my husband was working. Then I realize AFTER, we may not have enough money for food or a bill.
I now have to track EVERYTHING.
Each transaction from my bank account.
I hate it.
I hate not having money to buy things. I haven’t brought a new bra in 2yrs.
I try to work at least 10hrs of overtime. I realized when I do, I don’t have to worry too much and even have some money to save. I literally had to cut everything: Cancelled gym membership, cancelled subscriptions, stopped going out to eat, grocery shop every 3 days to make sure I only get food we are going to eat, stopped buying clothes, stopped traveling and we really don’t go to any events, so I won’t burn my gas.
We literally only have money for food and bills.
Still waiting on approval for his Social Security. Praying every day, he gets it. Oh that back pay we will get!!!
I have caught myself feeling like I can’t do this, I am tired of working so much and I want be able to do things and enjoy life.
I have to keep reminding myself this is too shall pass. We are in the trenches right now, but our Faith is BIGGER than our FEAR.
I have to keep reminding myself that my husband is the one with MS. How does HE feel? He is the one having trouble walking, sitting at home all day, every day, no one is calling him at all (Not even his kids or friends. My dad and his mother are thee only people that have called) His 2 kids have not come over once to see him and called a couple of times in the almost 2yrs he has been out of work. But he is still happy, not depressed and smiles. He didn’t ask God to give him MS so he can sit at home and not do anything to help his family.
It can be a lot worse, but we are making it. We can’t do a lot of things we used to do but it wont be like this for forever,
I have thought about seeing a therapist because I have so many feelings and literally don’t have anyone to talk to..hence why I came back to blogging. My family never ask how we are doing. I understand everyone has their own lives and dealing with things.
It is tough but we will get through this ❤
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I Am Back
I cant believe its been almost a year since my last post!
So much has happened..
April 2024, my husband was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
He has been our of work since Dec 2023 due to MS symptoms and nerve pain.
We have now been denied Social Security Disability twice now and our Attorney has now appealed again.
I am the sole provider for my family. Been working overtime just to pay bills.
It has definitely been hard but The Most High has truly been our provider and we are sooooo grateful.
I also lost THREE FRIENDSHIPS last year. I truly had to grieve a lot…grieved that even thought my husband is still alive, his life would never been the same. AND grieving lost friendships.
It has been hard but we are good, hubby is still walking, on a walker, but still walking.
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Getting Fit At 40!
341lbs
That is the large number that was on the scale the last time I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago.
And that was not even the highest number it has been at.
357lbs is the highest.
I am trying so hard to get my life together when it comes to my weight. It seems the older I get, the harder it is.
I wish I could blame it on having kids, but unfortunately, it’s due to just loving food way too much! LOL
It’s definitely starting to affect my health: Sleep Apnea, High Blood Pressure and Cholesterol. So, as you can see, I need to get it TOGETHER.
I have worked out for years, over 10. But my problem is being/staying consistent. I have never lost more than 25 (LAST TIME WAS 9YRS AGO, WHICH IS RIGHT BEFORE I MET MY HUSBAND) pounds and recently, I can’t lose more than 5lbs!
The good thing is that my job has a beautiful FREE GYM! I have used it many times and NOW I am ready to be consistent and finally get this weight off.
I am going to be using an app called FitBod where you tell it, the equipment you have to use, and it creates a workout from that! Which I think is pretty cool!
I will also be counting my calories with the Lose it App.
So let’s see how this goes!
I now have a plan so let’s take ACTION!
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Cheers to 40!
Today I am 40!
I still can’t believe this!
Wow! 40!
10yrs closer to 50! LOL!
Anyhoo. Haven’t posted in a while. Been going through A LOT these last 6mnths.
I believe I wrote in a previous Blog my husband showed symptoms of MS. We finally got a diagnosis. He has been receiving Ocrevus infusions as treatment and going to Physical Therapy.
It has defiantly been hard. My life has turned upset down. Everything has been on ME these past 6mmnths!
Working, doing overtime when I can, shopping, cooking, cleaning, getting him to his MANY Dr appointments, and now Physical Therapy appointments and going through the whole process of being approved for Social Security Disability.
Last year, I was planning a Girls Trip, to do something amazing for all of us turning 40 and now, today … a coworker took me out to Brunch. I actually wasn’t even going to go. I have been trying hard to not be depressed. But, I am scared. I feel like I have been in survival mode just to make sure I can afford everything on my income alone.
I literally stopped doing everything just to be able to afford paying for rent and food. We don’t go out, no going out to eat, I cook EVERYTHING, I canceled EVERYTHING we don’t need, stopped shopping and found old clothes to wear. I am even looking for a Part Time job.
I am trying so hard not to lose it.
Because my husband didn’t ask for this.
I am trying to give him all the support I can give while I am praying for my own sanity.
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Life Update
I have been so bad with this Blog, but have so much to talk about…
The biggest update…my husband started to have numbness in hands, legs and feet, tingling, back pain then started having trouble walking.
In December of last year, he started falling…a lot.
He works as a Maintenance Technician and due to his job being so demanding, he stopped working until we found out what was going on.
4 months later, 4 Specialists, 5 MRI’s and after a ton of blood work, we are finally getting to a diagnosis…which is unfortunately, Mutiple Sclerosis. He hasn’t been OFICIALLY diagnosed, but the MS Specialist gave us pamphlets to look over for treatment. She ordered another set of bloodwork to rule out anything other diseases.
Unfortunately, my husband did not add Short Term Disability on his insurance when he was hired so he has had ZERO income, and everything is now on me. We did not know he was going to be out of work for this amount of time, so we just applied for Social Security/Disability which could take a year to even approve!
I have just been so sad. I am sad for my husband to see him so sick and I am scared that eventually out bills are going to catch up to us.
My so-called friends haven’t reached out to see how he is doing and that really makes me annoyed and angry!
We have been married for 5yrs and I just didn’t expect to go through this “sickness” this early on in our marriage, but just goes to show us how quickly LIFE can turn around on you. He is only 47 and, on a walker, right now.
We go back to the Dr. next week and I am praying we get the diagnosis, discuss treatment and schedule when he can start so he can start feeling better.
A 47yr old man does not deserve to live his life on a walker.
The good thing about MS is that it’s not a death sentence and treatment has come a long way. People can still live a good life and I am determined to have that for my husband. 🙂
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My Co-Workers Are Insane
Why can’t I have coworkers that turn into family like most people?
Mine are so annoying!
I am 39 and have worked since I was 16yrs old. ALWAYS kept a job!
In over 20yrs of working, I have had 8 jobs (5 “grown-up jobs”). Currently I have been working at a Credit Union for almost 5yrs. The older I get the more I am learning, the longer you are at a job, you find out the real craziness in folks.
- There will always be that one person who has been there almost 20yrs and literally gets away with things they are not supposed to do.
- The one that has been at the company for 10+ yrs and still dont know what the hell they are doing!
- The one that can’t handle professional criticism and always defensive.
- Let’s not forget the one that literally comes in, doesn’t speak (When you ask her questions, she has an attitude) does her work and just leave.
I also have a coworker that HUMS LOUDLY while she has her ear plugs in and burps!
BUT, even after all this, I love what I do, and I do my job very well! Income is good, benefits are great and 15min from my home.
I’m blessed to have a job .. still annoyed though.
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No Friends
I am back!
I keep telling myself I need to come back to blogging…here I am!
So much has been going on! I don’t even know where to start!
Let’s start here…I feel like I have no friends…
I have never had a huge friend circle. Never been that “popular” girl or that girl everyone wanted to be friends with…BUT, I wasn’t that “loser” girl either LOL
Always had a small circle.
The problem with a small circle of friends is sooner or later, you’re the last one in the circle, if you know what I mean.
I feel like the BIGGEST reason is I am outgrowing my friendships. I have 3 friends; they all have kids (I am the only without) and 2 of us are married. I will be 40yrs old in May, I love doing more things with my husband now, especially traveling. The ONE trip I did go on with one of my friends was a complete disaster and I absolutely hated it! That made me never want to go on another trip with any of my friends lol
Recently, my husband has been having back pain, trouble walking, numbness .. where he had to go off work while he undergoes tests to see what is going on.
You think any of my “friends” have been checking on me?
I texted one of my friends a few weeks ago and checked up on her because she was studying to be an Insurance Agent and you know what she said back? She DIDNT answer my question but questioned WHY I didn’t wish her son who just turned ONE a Happy Birthday … this is her THIRD SON. TURNED O N E. Well, excuse the fuck out of me for forgetting!? WTF! Have you checked on me and my sanity to make sure I am good while I am thee only one working and taking care of absolutely everything!
I just feel so alone. And this is why I have come back to Blogging. I need this outlet.
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Marriage is H A R D
Here I am you guys!
I still was trying to determine if I was going to come back to this Blog but I feel like I need it! I need this Safe Space…I have SO MUCH to say…so here goes…
I will be married for 5yrs this September…together in total for over 8yrs.
We haven’t had any big problems that you may see in a lot of relationships…until recently.
Both my husband and I are extremely easy going. We don’t let anything get to us. I may let some folks push my buttons, but nothing insane. We have not had ANY CRAZY BLOW OUT fights. He is truly such a nice guy. He is so sweet, patient, hardworking and he has never once even yelled at me in the 8yrs we have been together. Not ONCE. Have I yelled at him? Yes. Because he DOES do stupid things and has made some stupid decisions recently that has truly made me go OFF THE HINGES!
One of these situations was that about 3-4yrs ago. My husband decided he wanted to change careers and wanted to find something in IT (Information Technology). He found a company that would teach him everything about IT. After he was finished taking their classes, they will find them a job in the field. BUT, the gag is … once they get a job, they have to give the company back 30% of their pay for a certain time period. If not, $30k has to be paid back to the company for all the resources they used to teach that individual that signed up. Isn’t that insane?
They make you sign a contract, which my husband did. Unfortunately, after the FIRST DAY, my husband realized it wasn’t for him and just stopped taking the classes. Didn’t even say anything to the company. Just stopped.
To make a long story short, they tried to sue him since he failed to adhere to the contract he signed!
Of course I asked my husband about this once we got COURT DOCUMENTS in the mail and he had the most blank face! I sprung into action and got on the phone with the CEO and asked what we can do. He gave us an option (Judgement) to pay $350/mth and lowered the balance $5000 to pay back $25K in full.
Last year, we got an email and letters in the mail that the company is going through Bankruptcy, THANK GOD! We paid for almost a year though! I had to sit my husband down and talk to him like he was my damn son that what he does can damage not only him but ME and our FINANCES!! He never once told me about this company, signing a contract or anything. Probably because he know I would have said it was a horrible idea! WHICH IT WAS!!!
When I met my husband, he was a bubble of sunshine, he joked and talked nonstop. A year after we got married it all stopped. I noticed, his and my family noticed. I seriously was thinking he was going through a depression. I constantly asked him what was wrong and he said nothing…he literally says he doesn’t have anything say… which I don’t understand!
This was 4yrs ago. He has gotten a little better but now I have just gotten used to the “new” him.
Now, as of YESTERDAY, he had a Summer BBQ at his job. I made a Cheesy Potato Casserole and was SO EXCITED to see how his coworkers liked it because I don’t cook for other people…
This man came home fucking drunk out of his mind. Not only THAT, but he DROVE HOME DRUNK!!!
I WAS FUCKIN LIVID!!
Once he got out his car, he could barely WALK! He also kept falling asleep before he got out the car! I don’t even know how he got home!
I was not even mad he was drunk. I was made he DROVE HOME DRUNK!
There are TOO MANY WAYS TO GET HOME SAFE than to drive yourself home and risking the lives of himself or other people!!!
I have a cousin that lost her 12yr old daughter 7yrs ago to a drunk driver and my husband knows this. HE WENT TO THE FUNERAL!
I yelled, and cried at him for over an hour. I was and still am so disgusted that I am married to someone that will make such a senseless decision as drunk driving. I am still sick to my stomach and hardly have spoken to him even today,
I thank The Most High, he got home safe, no one was injured and he didn’t get pulled over as he is a BLACK MAN that works in a predominately WHITE city.
I am going to be seeking the services of a Marriage Therapist next week. Marriage is hard. This is not what I thought it would be but I love my husband enough to get counseling before anything worse happens. I am praying she can get something out of him that I can’t.
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Back to Blogging
Hello!
Been going back and forth in regard to if I want to come back to Blogging.
But I feel like I need it.
I am almost 40 (Next year), married almost 5yrs, smaller friend circle now. Getting along better with my family (If you read my posts from years ago you know what I am saying lol) but I feel like I need an outlet. I feel like I can’t talk to my family, don’t want to tell my friends so why not tell complete strangers on the internet LOL Its 2023, why not? Right??
FIRST AND FOREMOST, Let’s give you guys an update…
Me and that LOSER from Chicago … finally got rid of him after 5yrs…
Sometimes I think back to how I truly wasted so many years and my time with him … almost all of my 20’s.
I was so young, vulnerable, and wanted love so bad. I painted a pretty picture that he was such and good guy, but he was actually horrible to me. Never physical but he was verbal abusive…all the time. It was as if he did not know how to be nice. I soon realized this is not the relationship or life I want. Now that I am older, I realize he was a true narcissist. Living in different states helped and I finally let him go.
Unfortunately, being in a horrible relationship as that for so long didn’t help for the following relationships after.
Took a long time to recover from that and learn how true love is supposed to feel and how couples are supposed to treat each other.
Did not find that true love until 30 years of age.
Been married for almost 5yrs, no kids yet but he is definitely God sent. He is the nicest person ever. Never have raised his voice to me.
Our marriage is not perfect, but it is definitely not like the movies! LOL
Marriage is HARD. We have been together for almost 8yrs in total and I feel like I am still getting to know him and learning things. Its not hugs and kisses every day. Some days I don’t want to chat a lot and other days I am Chatty Kathy lol
He irritates me a lot also. I don’t know why but I don’t like to talk about too much personal things with my family/friends. I feel like when you invite others in your relationships, it doesn’t always end well. Even the smallest thing you can say, can be brought back up later.
A perfect example of this is I told one of my sisters that my husband was lazy years ago. I wasn’t made about it, just mentioned he was a little lazy…this was years ago. She still brings this up for no reason. lol
So here I am, getting back to blogging because I just really need to vent stuff out. Marriage, coworkers, family …
Sit back and enjoy!
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I’m Krissy
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